Accept and talk about your feelings -
One of the most harmful things you can do is to bottle up your feelings. Denying or repressing feelings often intensifies and prolongs working through grief. It’s been said that sorrow, which is never spoken, is the heaviest load to bear. An old Turkish proverb states "He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it." People who avoid conscious grieving generally break down emotionally, physically, or both.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be sad. You may think you are going crazy. This is a common reaction. You are not losing your mind—you are only reacting to your loss.

Most people find that talking about their feelings helps them to deal with and accept their loss. Some find that doing something physical—for example, pounding a pillow or screaming out loud in a private place—is helpful. In whatever way you express your feelings, be sure it is not harmful to others or yourself.

If you don’t let your feelings out, they will come out at some other time or in some other way. You may become depressed or physically ill. An emotion that is denied expression is not destroyed. Expressing feelings and thoughts in a journal may be helpful. Write about your feelings.

Keeping a journal also can provide a way to measure your progress. It can help to look at what you wrote 2 or 6 months ago and compare it with the present.

Give yourself the time you need -
Grieving takes time. It can’t be hurried. Just as it takes time for broken bones to heal, it takes time for broken hearts and spirits to heal.

There is no fixed time period for grieving. It varies from person to person. However, many people do not understand grief and may think you can just "snap out of it" or "should be getting over it" much sooner than is realistic. Try not to judge yourself by the expectations of others.

Grieving is not something we can just "snap out of." One must grow out of it, and that takes time and effort.

Accept support from others -
With a physical wound we allow others to take care of us; we also need to do the same with emotional wounds. Accept the support and help of others. Don’t expect family and friends to "read your mind" and know when you need help and the specific help you need—they can’t. It’s important, too, not to build a wall around yourself and distance yourself from others for fear of being hurt again.

If others do not offer help, ask for it. Often people don’t help because they don’t know what to do. They may be afraid of making a mistake—of saying or doing the "wrong thing"—or feel awkward.

Having the support of at least one other person is critical to adjustment. People who have no support are most likely to do poorly. Find someone who will listen nonjudgmentally and accept your feelings, and with whom you feel comfortable talking freely. Recognize that some of your family and friends may be uncomfortable with your feelings and want you to be your "old self" again.

It’s also often difficult for family to support each other when each family member is grieving. Communicating with family and respecting each family member’s way of grieving are important to coping and growing as a family through grief.

If you don’t have family or a friend you can talk to about your feelings, consider a support group. Attending a support group of persons experiencing a similar loss can be therapeutic and a source of hope, understanding, and encouragement. Information about support groups in your area may be available from the pastoral care or social work department at the hospital, the local mental health center, your clergy, hospice program, or senior center.

Resume your daily routine -
The sooner you can return to your daily activities, the better. Search for activities that are meaningful to you—this can help give a new purpose to life. Social activity in general has a positive influence on adjustment. Some people have found that one of the best ways to move through grief is to do something for someone else. This does not mean you forget what has happened. But involvement in activities can help fill the void created by a loss. Making yourself get up at a certain time every day, writing a list of tasks for yourself, and staying productive can give you a sense of control. If you depended upon your partner to structure your life for you, you may find it particularly difficult to develop interests.

Be good to yourself -
Months after the death of her husband, Juliet wrote, "I always thought that grief was an emotion and probably mental. I was shocked, and still am, at the effects on the body."

The stress of grief can cause physical problems. Research shows that people who experience a significant loss, particularly the death of a loved one, are more likely to become ill within six months after the loss. This is also a time when you may be more accident prone and more vulnerable to a flare-up of an existing medical condition.

Eating well, getting adequate sleep and rest, and exercising regularly are important. Exercise helps reduce stress, work off frustrations, and aid sleep.

If you are under a doctor’s care for a pre-existing medical condition, do not discontinue that care.

Avoid alcohol and unnecessary medications -
A mild sedative or tranquilizer may provide some initial needed relief. However, drugs or alcohol taken to reduce or mask the pain are harmful—they only stop, delay, or prolong grief, which means you’ll simply have to face the loss later. Sedating medication, if used at all, should be only a temporary measure to help you through the initial shock.

Postpone major decisions -
Postpone making major decisions—for example, moving, giving away possessions, or reinvesting finances—until after the period of intense grief, if at all possible. Whatever can wait should wait.

Emotions impair judgment, and major decisions made during a time of emotional upheaval are frequently regretted later. You need time to reestablish balance in your life, regain self-confidence, and find out what the "new you" will need and want. Remaining in a familiar environment can provide a sense of security and stability at a time of emotional upheaval.

Expect hard times -
Evenings, weekends, or special events—birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays—are generally difficult during the first year following divorce or the death of a loved one. Analyze what it is that makes certain times especially difficult and then make specific plans for those times. Working through hard times is a highly individual task. Schedule activities that you find particularly comforting during these time periods.

A certain day of the week or time of day, favorite foods, colognes, music, or events can also make you painfully aware of a person’s absence. Any place or event that is closely associated with a person who died—going to church or participating in certain activities—may be temporarily painful for you.

Holidays, and especially family gatherings, can be particularly difficult after a divorce or death. These events may only serve to remind you of the changes in your life. Festive occasions, especially shortly after a death, are often difficult because of the expectation that we "should" be happy, should be having a great time. The difference between these "shoulds" and our actual feelings often increase our sense of loss. To make these events easier:

Seek professional help if needed -
If your grief persists, if you lash out in anger at people around you, if you become depressed and feel life is hopeless, or if you are considering suicide, seek professional help. Depression can complicate the grieving process and it requires treatment.

Psychologists, psychiatrists, clergy, social workers, counselors, and grief therapists can all help a person who is grieving. They can help us adjust to loss, find solutions to difficult situations, and resolve feelings such as anger, guilt, or despair which may keep us from fully functioning.