Working Solutions Materials - Coping with Children's Reactions

This article was prepared to help parents cope with children's fears and anxieties following a disaster. Disasters that often affect children include earthquakes, fires, floods, tornadoes, hurricanes or widespread civil unrest.

While the concern for the physical safety of the child is very important, awareness of and attention to the emotional consequences of a disaster should not be ignored. We cannot control disasters. However, they should not result in permanent emotional damage to the child.

This article is intended to provide basic information regarding children's emotional responses to disasters: to help parents to better understand their children's reactions and to provide suggestions for interacting and intervening.

The goal of the article is to help parents prevent major emotional problems from developing. The information is intended to compliment, not replace, common-sense, family values and, if needed, the personalized assistance of a family doctor or counselor.

When the word "parents" is used throughout the article, it also refers to teachers, babysitters, grandparents and other adults having responsibility for the child. Also, when we refer to "him" we are, of course, referring to both boys and girls.

The Trauma -
Disasters are traumatic and/or frightening events that may occur in some children's lives. These events often result in families evacuating their homes and leaving familiar surroundings. A child usually does not understand such events and feels confused, anxious and frightened.

Understanding The Child -
For the average child growing up consists of certain regularities. For most school age children regularity involves the presence of parents, awakening in the morning, preparing for school, meeting with the same teacher, the same children, playing with friends and sleeping in their own beds. Essentially the child is able to depend on a series of predictable events.

For the pre-schooler life is much the same. He spends his days within the familiarity of his world, maybe at home, with babysitters or at nursery school. His surroundings remain more or less constant.

Children expect dependability from adults and certainly from the forces of nature. When there is an interruption in this natural flow of life, the child may experience anxiety and fear. How adults help children resolve these "problem times" may have a lasting effect on the child.

Fear And Anxiety -
Fear is a normal reaction to any danger which threatens life or well-being. What is a child afraid of after a disaster? He is afraid of recurrence, injury or death. He is afraid of being separated from his family. He is afraid of being left alone.

Parents should recognize that there are fears which come from within the child, his imagination or his fantasies. These are in addition to fears that are stimulated by a real event. Even after the event has passed, his anxiety will sometimes remain.

The child may not be able to describe his anxious feelings. Even though intensely afraid, the child may be genuinely unable to give an explanation that makes rational sense to the adult.

Children are dependent on adults for love, care, security and food. They fear most the loss of their parents and being left alone. In a disaster, even the child who is usually competent and unafraid may react with fear and considerable anxiety to an event that threatens the family.

A child having less experience in distinguishing a real threat from an imaginary one is likely to be plagued by fears with no basis in reality. It is important to note that fantasied danger is as real and threatening as "present danger."

A child experiences similar fear in other situations, including parental separation, divorce, hospitalization or the death of a loved one. Parents recognize these more familiar fears and make attempts to deal with them.

In natural disasters our first concern and attention goes towards physical safety. This is as it should be.

Parents should not ignore the emotional needs of the child once they know that nothing "serious" has happened to family members.

Parents may be surprised that even in the absence of physical injury, their children may experience significant fear and exhibit unusual behaviors. Parents may resent this, particularly if the child's behavior disrupts or interferes with the family's daily routine.

Children are not trying to make life more difficult for anyone. Their fear is uncomfortable to them as well. They would like nothing better than to be rid of their fears. If children feel their parents will not or cannot understand their fear, then they feel ashamed, rejected and unloved. Consequently, they feel even more afraid.

The first step for parents is to understand the kinds of fear and anxiety a child experiences.

Parental understanding and helpful intervention can reduce the severity of fears and may prevent more serious problems from developing.

This is not a new role. Parents routinely and effectively help children cope with fears encountered in daily situations.

When an unusual situation occurs, the ability of some parents to reassure their children, particularly when they themselves have been frightened, may be impaired. The child feels even more fearful or anxious when suddenly he is unable to turn to the adults for reassurance. Visible parental fear may increase the child's anxiety.

Advice To Parents -
What can parents do to help their child? They should begin communicating; listening and talking. To the extent possible, the family should remain together.

Being with the family provides immediate reassurance to children. Fears of being abandoned and unprotected are quickly alleviated. The parents may need to inspect their property for damage but at least one member of the family should remain with the children. The child who is left alone is more likely to develop clinging behavior.

Realistically, parents also are experiencing fear. However, they have the maturity to cope with their fears. A demonstration of strength should be apparent to the child, making him feel more secure and reassured.

It is not harmful for parents to let the child know that they are also afraid. Actually, it is good to put these feelings into words. This sharing will encourage children to talk about their own feelings or fears.

Communicate -
Communication is most helpful in reducing the child's anxiety and, for that matter, the adult's anxiety. The child may then express some unrealistic fear and the parents will have an opportunity to explore these fears and reassure the child.

Listen to what the child tells you about his fears -
Listen when he tells you how he feels. Listen when he tells you what he thinks has happened. Explain to the child about the disaster, the fear inducing event, the facts. Listen to him.

A child may express his fears in words, play or actions. If his behavior is inappropriate then explain that and reassure him. You may need to repeat yourself many times. But, it is important that you do so, even if it becomes tiresome.

Encourage him to talk -
The quiet child needs to be encouraged to talk. His difficulty in expressing himself may be very frustrating to the parents. It may be helpful to include other members of the family, neighbors and their children in a discussion about reactions to the disaster. Through the sharing of common experiences, fears are further reduced.

It is essential that an attempt be made to provide an atmosphere of acceptance, either at home or school, where a child will feel free to talk about his fears.

Sometimes parents are reluctant to encourage such open expression, believing this will only increase fear and anxiety.

Parents may feel helpless in reassuring the child, and may be afraid of actually upsetting the child by continued discussions. Statements like "I know you are frightened" or "It is a scary feeling" are helpful and should be used. It also is reassuring to be told that it is normal and natural to be afraid. A child's fears should not disrupt the family's activities.

There will be many things to do after a disaster including checking on the damage, cleaning up broken glass or fallen furniture. A child can and should be included in these activities. It is actually reassuring for a child if the parent involves him in these tasks.

It is reassuring to see progress being made in bringing the home back to order and the routine of the household resumed: meals prepared, dishes washed, beds made and playing with friends.

For the parents of a very young child the task is more difficult. That child may need more physical care and more holding. This makes it harder for parents to attend to other necessary tasks. Unfortunately, there are no short-cuts. If the child's needs are not met, the problems will persist for a longer period.

Settling Down -
When things begin to settle down after the "excitement" of the disaster has passed, parents and children may feel somewhat let down and listless. However, in the case of an earthquake, a period of apprehension may continue due to aftershocks.

When the crisis is not a natural disaster but a form of violence in the community, a period of intense reflection, discussion and corrective action should take place. It is very important that parents make a deliberate effort to avoid inactivity and to restore some sense of routine.

Parents should indicate to the child that they are maintaining control. They should be understanding firm and supportive. They should make decisions for the child.

Parents may become appropriately more permissive, but discipline must be maintained. If the family is evacuated, there will be a delay in the return to normalcy. Planned activities in shelters will increase the morale of all and allow the child to rely on his own resources.

Bedtime Problems -
The most frequently encountered problems occur at bedtime. The child may refuse to go to his room to sleep alone. When he does go to bed, he may have difficulty falling asleep. He may wake up often during the night. He may have nightmares.

Parents question if they should make changes. Should they allow the child to sleep in the parents' bed, in their bedroom, in another child's bed, or should the parent sleep in the child's room?

To the extent possible the child should remain in his room and, if necessary, the parent may need to remain in the child's room. Then the child will begin to feel that his room is safe.

It is necessary to be somewhat flexible. Bedtime may be delayed if the child is more anxious or want to talk longer, but a bedtime pattern should be established as soon as possible. It may be sufficient for the parent, at bedtime, to spend a little extra time in the child's bedroom reassuring him.

Some children, who are more anxious than others, may be allowed to move into a room with another child or sleep on a mattress in the parent's bedroom. Sleeping arrangements should return to normal as soon as possible. The parents and child should agree on a day to return to the normal routine. It is important for the child's independence that the parent be firm about this commitment.

Parents also should be aware of their own feelings, their own uncertainty, fear or anger and the effects these have on the child. If parents have doubts about safety and express them to the child, they will contribute to the child's continuing fear and his inability to return to his room. Reassurance with firmness is an effective approach. Getting angry with the child, punishing, spanking or shouting will rarely help.

If the child comes out of his room, calmly return him to it and reassure him of your presence nearby. It may be helpful to leave a night light on in the room or hall and to leave his door ajar. Spending more time with the child during the day will make him feel more secure in the evening and at night.

Specific Fears -
Following a disaster, irrational fears may develop when something happens causing great anxiety to the point of panic. The child may become afraid of sleeping in his bed, fear his house or darkness.

A younger child may fear imaginary monsters. He can be reassured verbally, with simple explanations, pointing out the difference between fantasy and reality. An older child may be afraid to go to school or even to leave home.

In the case of school resistance, firmness is necessary to avoid the development of a school phobia. Sometimes the assistance of the teacher or the school counselor may be necessary. The child should know that school attendance is expected.

Regressive Behavior -
A child may sometimes revert to behavior which he has outgrown such as bed wetting, clinging to the parents and/or thumbsucking. These and other problems may occur temporarily and are normally of short duration.

Although these behaviors may alarm parents, they are only signs of the child's anxiety and parental acceptance will reassure the child and shorten the duration of such behaviors. When parents over-react to these behavior patterns, by being over-concerned, punishing or nagging the child, these symptoms are likely to persist. Children respond to praise and parents should make a deliberate effort to remain calm, patient and realize that this regressive behavior is only temporary.

Most of the child's emotional and behavior reactions to a disaster will lessen and disappear over time. This is especially true if parents deal with their own reactions, consistently encourage their children to express their feelings, be patient as children adjust and gradually return to the family's normal routine.

How can parents recognize when to seek professional help? If the sleeping problem continues for more than a few nights, if the clinging behavior does not diminish, if the fears become worse, it is time to ask for professional advise.

Most parents are capable of helping their children overcome fears and anxiety. However, it is not a sign of failure if they feel they are unable to help their children by themselves. A telephone call to a pediatrician, family physician or the local mental health center may be helpful.

In some cases advice may be given on the telephone. In other instances, parents will be advised to bring their child for an interview. In cases of severe anxiety, early action will result in a faster return to normalcy. It will be evident to the parents if their efforts have been successful.

Seeking Help -
Mental health professionals are specially trained to help people in distress. They can help parents cope with and understand the unusual reactions of their child. By talking to the parents and child either individually or in groups, a child's fears can be overcome more easily.

Some parents are reluctant to consider seeking the help of a mental health professional or a clinic. However, more and more people are becoming aware that there is no stigma attached to seeking help. It is a way to avoid severe problems.

Remember that Working Solutions has a virtual library full of information on these and other topics...go to their site, and look at Today's Library™ for the topics that best suit your situation. Call them anytime at 800-358-8515 to talk with someone now.

Coping With Children's Reactions To Disasters